One Year.

I managed to make it until 12:30pm before realizing today was January 2nd.

How does that one day a year ago burn SO strongly in my head still? The day started out a lot like today.. I had worked the night before.. I was very newly pregnant.. I had just told my sister I was pregnant the night before.. (Last night my sister and I talked about baby shower plans instead).. But I temped..saw a giant plummet in the temp and then peed on an internet cheapy strip.. almost no visible line.. Off to rite aid.. The Rite Aid store brand test still showed a line.. but a faint one.. I called the Dr's office.. The girl was a bitch and told me I was pregnant and hung up.. I knew better.. I cried all afternoon.. DH tried to convince me everything was gonna be OK even though I knew he didn't believe it either.. Then I went to work.. It was very quiet there.. then, somewhere around 8pm.. I went to the bathroom at work, and saw the spotting had started.. Somehow I managed to fight off the full out sobbing til I got done with work, but I know i was walking around like a Zombie. I remember telling my work friend that I didn't want to talk about what was wrong.. (She RSVPed to my shower today)... I almost drove off the road on the way home. Then we went grocery shopping and I bought maxi pads for the first time in like 8 years.. My baby was gone..

That was how 2008 started.. 2008 wasn't really a very good year. 2009 WILL be a better year.. Evie will be here before the next m/c anniversary.. Maybe her birthdate will line up with one of the BAD dates for pregnancy #2 so it will be a better day.. February 26th was the date of our first ultrasound where we thought something was probably wrong. There was much sobbing that day as well.