Ups and Downs.

Sunday was a better day than Saturday. At least it started out that way...
Jeff and I went out and poked around Target and borders.
While we were at Target, Jeff got a call about a job he had interviewed for over a month ago. They had basically told him then to expect to be hired.. but then they had some internal issues... and his hire has kind of been on hold and I've felt really uncertain about it. He has a friend/coworker who was the one who reffered him and that is who called. He said the internal issues are just about worked out now and that Jeff should expect to hear something very soon.

I also passed a sign in Target that said.. "Whereever there is great love there will be miracles.." Which really made me feel that no matter what happens, Jeff and I can get through it and there WILL be miracles..

Here is where the signs parts comes in. I went to Borders and bought Concieve magazine.. It had the 2nd annual list of 50 best companies for infertility and adoption (I had read the 1st annual one..). The #1 BEST rated company.. Citizens Financial Group.. the company that Jeff interviewed for. I knew they had great adoption benefits but I had been unaware of the infertility benefits.. It is UNLIMITED including prescriptions, IVF, even donor eggs and donor sperm.. This is such great news since its looking like we are going to be getting reffered to the specialist after I see my Dr for the my follow up.. Hopefully we won't need most of that.. but it is good to know its there if we need it.. So fingers crossed extra tight that he gets that job.

After that, I had to go to work.. It was a very long and boring shift.. but at least I held myself together emotionally.. I got home though and decided to look through books on Amazon.com about miscarriage grief. I found one I definitely want to get.. Called "I Never Held You" by Ellen M. Dubois. However, Jeff was looking through these books with me and it just became obvious how devastated we both are.. It basically turned into an all-night cry fest for both of us.. We ended up being up until 3 am at least crying.. which isn't so good, since I was up til past 4 am writing my blog post on Saturday night.. So this morning (its actually afternoon already).. I feel tired and emotionally drained..

I am going to try to go out for a few hours before I go to work. i want to go to Tops and perhaps to Walmart.. I have been completely slacking about taking care of my house.. I need to start doing that one of these days. The slacking started after the 1st miscarriage.. I was just starting to get better about it again when BAM.. I'm a disaster again.. I have so many things that I want to do.. and basically I do nothing.. I hardly even do laundry.. When I am not working I sit on my computer all day or I watch TV or sleep..

By the way.. Happy St. Patty's day. I bought this plaque back in January.. Its a shamrock with the crowned heart on top of it and some green jewels and celtic knots.. I think its meant to be a St. Patricks Day decoration.. but it hasn't gotten put up in my house yet. I want to hang it outside my bedroom door so I see it when I wake up in the morning.. and keep it up year round.. it says "Peace and Grace be to this Place." We really do need some Peace and Grace in this place.. Its been a really LONG and hard 2.5 months around this house..