I feel sort of torn/guilty even typing about this.. I am so blessed to have my little Eve.. and I wouldn't change anything about her for the world..It took two pregnancy losses to get her here.. If we had not lost those pregnancies we would not have her..
Still though.. I have to mention that today it has been one full year since my D&C. That was our second loss.. and it was also marking a year of us TTC.. and at that point I was having my doubts we would ever have a successful pregnancy. I was such an emotional wreck after that...I can remember all the feelings of anger and jealousy and resentment I had.. The random bursting into tears in public for no reason.. I don't ever want to feel that way again.. I did not deal with it well.. I was drinking way too much.. I feel like a different person now than I was then.. but what changed that? I can't say that having Eve erased all the pain.. but it did help. I won't ever forget our losses..they were and always will be our babies.. but I really am at a new place in life now..
Children: On death and dying
11 years ago
2 comments:
Awww, sorry for your "sad anniversary". I know how you feel. After having Zoey, it made me look at my m/c in a totally different way because without that loss, I wouldn't have her and I truly believe that she is the baby I was meant to have. I think it really makes you appreciate what a miracle it is to have a healthy beautiful baby. Glad that you feel like you are in a new place now with your beautiful little Eve. :)
It is hard to forget those kind of anniversaries. Next week will be one year since I got my first BFP with Hope's pregnancy and it is hard to not feel some saddness. Just thinking about how happy I was and putting together the Easter baskets for our parents, only to spend Mother's Day sobbing on my couch feeling totally broken. It's hard to shake all of that.
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